Lakotas Secede

The Lakota Indian Tribe seceded from the Union today. That's right, the Tribe most well known for their legendary leaders Crazy Horse and Sitting Bull, announced to the State Department that they "are no longer citizens of the United States of America..." The Tribe's spokesperson and Indian activist, Russell Means, also encouraged others to join them. Tribe members are scattered across Nebraska, South Dakota, North Dakota, Montana, and Wyoming

The announcement comes after a 33-year campaign, during which time the tribe worked to, "get their ducks in a row" while drafting its "declaration of continuing independence." The final form of which was delivered to the US Federal Government today.

According to Means, the new country would be tax-free and they would issue their citizens passports and driver's licenses-- all this for the low, low price of renouncing your US citizenship!

The Latokas claim they've been oppressed by the US, which has led to their tribe's overwhelmingly high unemployment, teen suicide, and infant mortality rates. (According to various news articles, this claim is made on the "Latoka Freedom Movement" website, but after repeated searches, I was unable to find the site.) Naturally, creating their own country will solve these problems....

Logistics and legality aside, what's the over/under on a group of mostly unemployed people building and sustaining their own country within a country that has in tact for more than two-hundred years? Anyone?

Let Them Eat Cake

A Dutch inmate received a tasty treat with side effects recently. The AP reports that officers accidentally gave a man, who is serving time for growing cannabis, a hashish cake for breakfast. The cake, seized in an unrelated case, was being stored near inmate meals. Hmmm... perhaps they should buy a mini-fridge for their perishable evidence....

In case you're thinking to yourself, "I thought it was legal in the Netherlands" here are a few archived articles you might find interesting...

Netherlands Drug Policy (Wikipedia)

Dutch Cannabis Law Challenged (BBC 2006)

Marajuana Myths and Facts (drugpolicy.org)

Presidential Love Child

It seems it's not just teenagers like Jamie Lynn Spears who are having unprotected sex these days. Presidential hopeful John Edwards has a love child of his own on the way. The National Enquirer is reporting in their exclusive article that Edwards knocked up Rielle Hunter, a woman connected to a scandal reported months ago that he had been cheating on his cancer-stricken wife. Senator Edwards denied the affair then, as he is now with his denial that he fathered this child. And in a strange yet interesting twist, Edwards' former chief of staff and long-time friend, Andrew Young has stepped forward to claim that he is the father of the unborn child. Young is a married father of three who some are speculating has made the announcement in an attempt to cover-up Edwards' affair and perhaps save his scandal-ridden presidential campaign. Somebody get Maury on the line!

Disfunction Junction

It seems there's more trouble in the Spears family. Sixteen year-old Jamie Lynn Spears is pregnant! Looks like the gossip mags had the wrong sister. She apparently told her parents over Thanksgiving dinner, but let her big sis find out through the gossip mags like the rest of us.... What impact does JL's announcement have on the Spears family? Mom Lynne is postponing her parenting book indefinitely. Awe... come on Mom, we all want to know how NOT to raise children!

Another One Bites the Dust

The latest celeb coupling to go belly up is Pam Anderson and Rick Soloman. It lasted a little over 2 months. Not suprising...look at their track records (Tommy Lee and Kid Rock for her, Shannon Doherty and Paris Hilton for him). How long until a sex tape is "leaked"? Might as well max the publicity, right?

UPDATE: Pam has announced on her fan site that she and Rick are giving it another try. Hmmm. Maybe this time it will last....

That Didn't Take Long...

So, the news about Pam and Rick got me thinking....

Shoes Read: HELP ME

Not counting Britteny Spears' hours-long knot-tying with that kid no one cares about or remembers anymore, because let's face it, it really doesn't count, could this be a new record for shortest Hollywood Marriages? Let's see....

Drew Barrymore and Tom Greene: married five months. They made it through his battle with testicular cancer and her house fire but they couldn't make their marriage last.

Jennifer Lopez and Chris Jude: married four months. Chris Jude who?

Lisa Marie Presley and Nicolas Cage: married three and a half months. Must be his creepy obsession with her father became apparent after a few months.

Carmen Electra and Dennis Rodman: married nine days. Oh yeah, they were married.

Dennis Hopper and Michelle Phillips: married eight days back in 1971. So it isn't just today's young Hollywood... Further proof...

Cher and Greg Allman: married nine days in 1975. We've all had rebound relationships, but Cher actually married her rebound guy three days after divorcing Sonny!

Ernest Borgnine and Ethel Merman: married 32 days in 1964. Apparently she couldn't take his "dutch ovens"-- gross!

Rudolph Valentino and Jean Acker: married just six hours way back in 1919 before they separated. Wow.

Sad, but true, a two-month Hollywood marriage is actually a long one! Still yearning for more celeb marriage gossip? Check out this list of celebs and other semi-famous people who've tied the knot repeatedly.

A Few Christmas Carol Facts

Quick. Name five Christmas Carols!

I bet you had at least one of these classic tunes in your list... White Christmas, Jingle Bells, Let it Snow, Let it Snow, Let it Snow, Silver Bells, Rudolf the Red Nosed Reindeer, and You're a Mean One Mr. Grinch. So, what do these carols have in common? The folks over at Mental Floss say they were all written by Jewish songwriters. Interesting.

Did you know that Silent Night was originally written in German around 1816 and not translated into English until 1863?

Did you know the verses to Away in a Manger were written by multiple people all at different times?

Did you know there's a carol entitled, Christmas Shoes? In 2001, it became number one on the Billboard Charts...

Did you know Deck the Halls was Mozart's favorite song to play?

Did you know Little Drummer Boy was written in 1958?

So you think you know Christmas? Find out just how well you really do with these fun quizzes at FunTrivia.com.

Hoffy Friday!

Who's got the nasty nails??

Check out this disgusting picture from Perez Hilton. com! What is up with Ms. Britney Spears and her filthy hands? I can only imagine what her toenails look like. Think of all the time she spends barefoot in public restrooms...she's probably got a whole new species of fungus growing down there.

A Traffic Cop with Moves Like No Other

You know it's the holiday season in Providence, Rhode Island when Tony Lapore comes out of retirement to direct traffic. What's so interesting about a retired cop directing traffic you ask? Officer Lapore does it with flare.... Check it out...

TomKat Spice Things Up

It seems TomKat and their kitty, Suri have taken in two Spice Girls concerts in recent days. Apparently the rehearsals just weren't enough for Katie, who is "a big Spice fan."

Is it just me or does that seem a bit much? I mean I'm all for supporting your friends, but this borders on obsessive. What's next? Is Katie going to start calling Victoria, "Posh," phoning her entirely too often, and then showing up uninvited at her house asking her why she won't take her phone calls anymore?

In other celebrities doing weird things news...

Did you hear the one about Paris Hilton and the Umpa Loompa?

Generation whYne

MSN is reporting that "Generation Y" may be the most demanding employees yet. Gen Yers are employees under the age of 29. While this is a serious article, what made me laugh the most is seeing how out of touch Gen Yers are when it comes to the abilities of older generations.

Taken from the MSN article:

“We are a people that had cell phones in high school,” he says. “Of course we are going to expect to have the most up-to-date gadgets in order to compete in today’s sleepless digital market.”

Bailin agrees. “I think if other generations had such technologies as cell phones and BlackBerrys, they would work toward getting them financed through work as well.”

Wake up kids, we are the generations that invented the technology you grew up with! If it weren't for the Baby Boomers and Generation X, cell phones, the Internet, email, and the blackberry wouldn't exist. You really think we are incapable of using the technology we fostered??

Spoken like true virgins to the "real world," I might add. I loved my blackberry when I first got it from my employer. That is until I started getting emails at 2AM, during dinner, all hours on weekends, while I was on vacation... The idea of your employer paying for and giving you a cell phone, berry, etc. is cool (especially when you're the first of all your friends to have the newest gadget on the market) until you realize that you never, ever are away from the office. You may be sipping daiquiris on the beach three thousand miles away from the office and using your hard-earned vacation time, but having that little gadget means you'll still be expected to get back to the boss before his or her workday is over.

These kids are also whining about the debt they've gotten into. WAAA! Boo Hoo. We all have college debt. Deal with it.

And they say they have more experience than we ever did graduating college. Internships have been around since the dawn of society, so just because you were the gopher/copy girl/file clerk, and shadowed some middle management supervisor for a semester, doesn't give you any more of an advantage over those who graduated college before you. Christ, you were just the intern. Do you know how many interns have worked for me? Too many to count and they're all just remembered as "the intern." When clarification is needed, it's "the intern from the summer of (fill in the blank)." No employer likes an intern, your more work than your worth. We just hire you to help out your mom, dad, uncle, etc., who probably knows someone and as some sort of influence over something that's going to help out our company.

Lastly, because of the above stated reasons, they expect to be paid more. HA! You've got to earn your right to a big paycheck, kids. No college degree or internship will fully prepare you for what you'll learn on the job. I don't care where you went to school, how many interships you've had or what industry you're in, your early working years are what makes you who you'll be professionally. And that can only be earned through hard work, starting with an entry-level position with entry-level pay. So suck it up and stop your whining Generation Y!

Hoffy Friday!

The Office

Just in time for cold and flu season, CNN reports where the germs lurk in your office and how to fend them off. Read it because you know there's going to be at least one asshole this season who refuses to stay home when they're sick! And when that jerk finally does listen to everyone repeatedly telling them to go home, spray down their cubicle with Lysol and do this....

The Shining was such a chick flick!

You guys have probably seen this one before, but I ran across it again today and it always gives me a chuckle! Enjoy...

Mirror Mirror on the wall, who's the dumbest of them all?

In response to Entertainment Weekly's recent list of the 50 Smartest People in Hollywood, the NY Daily News has come up with their own (much more fun) list...the 50 Dumbest People in Hollywood! LiLo topped out at #1 with Britney at #14?! Huh? Who else is in the top 10?

2. Kim Kardashian

3. Spencer Pratt

4. Jeff Kwatinetz

5. Shia LaBeouf

6. Heidi Montag

7. Jessica Simpson

8. Keifer Sutherland (dumber than Britney, really?)

9. Tori Spelling

10. Rumer Willis

The funniest part of this whole list is the fact that Paris Hilton doesn't make the list. At all. Have you heard that girl talk?

Nip Tuck

Plastic Surgery. We Americans are enthralled with it. Whether we get it ourselves (not that anyone would admit it) or just enjoy reading stories of celebs getting botched nose jobs or boob jobs, or speculating on who's gotten a face lift, plastic surgery is always a topic of gossip conversations. So, for your viewing and reading pleasure, here is a small list of some outrageous celeb and non-celeb plastic surgery stories....


The first is a non-celeb, but nonetheless interesting. This actual news story comes to us from Knoxville Tennessee where a woman craving a curvaceous derriere, now has a few buts about it...

tp://view.break.com/409510 - Watch more free videos

The second story is about 80's pop star turned Broadway babe, Debbie Gibson. Several bloggers are reporting that Gibson graces the cover of the newest Star Magazine a recent botched nose job. While I did not venture out to get the latest edition of the mag, I did try to search their site and found no reference to Gibson whatsoever. Be it as it may, the reports are out there along with some pretty obviously photoshoped photos. Here's a link to scandalous candice blog story, only because I found the comments to be amusing.

Next on the did she have a nose job list, Jennifer Aniston. City Rag blog reports that there is something different about her nose these days. Hmmmm..... The only other Aniston-nose-job stories I could find were from January 2007. And after looking at a recent picture, I really don't see it... maybe it's just me? But then again, we here these reports every couple years and Aniston only copped to having two.


Of course we can't talk about plastic surgery without mentioning a few infamous PS adicts...

Joycelyn Wilenstein, AKA Cat Woman, is a NYC socialite who married international art dealer and billionare, Alic Wilenstein. Ledgend or rumor has it that after her husband's repeated affairs and seeing he had more affection for big game cats than he had for her, she began to transform herself into one of his beloved cats. Well, she does look cat-like, but dude!

Everyone knows the stories surrounding Michael Jackson's repeated and denied plastic surgeries, but I still had to post his pic here just to remind everyon of just how scary he looks these days....

And then there's Joan Rivers, who by comparison, looks pretty good. But look closely, her skin is pulled tighter than leggings on a fat chick.

And just in case you haven't had enough yet, check this out. Or this.

Hoffy Friday!

How did Jeff Foxworthy keep a straight face?

Check out this clip of American Idol's Kellie Pickler on "Are You Smarter Than a Fifth Grader". I have to believe that she is joking because this is just too much...

Aaaaayyy!

Speaking of the perfect Christmas gift for someone who has it all, how about a $22 "Bronze the Fonz" T-shirt?! Your $22 will go towards raising money to erect a life size statue of The Fonz in downtown Milwaukee (don't forget that Happy Days was set in Milwaukee). If this is successful, maybe they will bestow similar honors for characters of other shows that are set in Milwaukee. Perhaps a Lenny and Squiggy statue or the gang from That 70s show...

Tis the Season...

To go crazy trying to find the right gifts for your friends and family (if you're still looking for the Wii, stop. They're sold out everywhere)... to stock up on generic "just in case" gifts (candles, wine, liquor, unique glassware, all good items)... to figure out if your new office exchanges gifts (you don't want to be the only one who doesn't have gifts for everyone on Christmas Eve, trust me, I know)... and to decide what to give your boyfriend's or girlfriend's parents who have everything.

Luckily there are a wealth of sites offering gift ideas and I've scoured the Internet to help you out. Okay, I was really helping myself, but anyway...

First, if you're really unsure about what to get for whom and when it is appropriate to give gifts, take this Gift Etiquette quiz at Kiplinger.com.

Just want some gift ideas?

Give family and friends nicely framed photos or do something interesting with those photos, like putting them on a deck of cards, coasters, a blanket, a puzzle or calendar. Get more ideas for your photos at Kodakgallery.com or Shutterfly.

For the people who have everything, you can't go wrong with a gift basket. Create your own with wine, gourmet cheese, homemade (or bakery-bought) cookies and chocolates. Or make it easy on yourself and buy it and ship it right to them. Check out Delightful Deliveries, Wine Country Gift Baskets, or Gift Tree.

One-Stop Online shopping. Got a long list but are short on time? There are a lot of sites out there that offer a myriad of gifts, but they usually get shipped from a myriad of stores, all of which end up on your doorstep at different times. Red Envelope has a catalog of items with gifts for him, her, baby and teen. Choose from jewelry and clothing, gourmet food to home to bath and body gifts for her; for him pick from sporting goods, gadgets and tools, cigar accessories and more. Have a baby, kid, or teen to buy for? They break it all down for you, making it easy to choose the right toy, video game, or accessory for the appropriate age group.

Do you have a friend or family member who "cares about the environment"? Treehugger.com has a few ideas that he or she would love. Really Natural.com has a few more eco-friendly gift ideas as well. Although I really don't know what two shirtless woman with their arms around each other, looking out over a lake has anything to do with saving the environment or gift giving. Don't worry, if you're at work, their backs are to us.

Is she even lip-synching the right song????

Check out this video of Ashley Tisdale from "High School Musical" working her way through a cover of "Last Christmas". I could do a better job lip synching this and I do at every work Christmas party...which is probably why they don't invite me anymore.

Old Drive-Ins Offered Strange Eats

Remember the old drive-in movie theater? When we were kids it was the old fashion way to watch a movie so I can't imagine what today's kids think of the few that are still scattered throughout the US. One thing is for sure, the advertisements that run prior to the movie have changed....

This is an old advertisement. It sells cigarettes, pickles, and fish sandwiches at the movies! The cigarette ad wasn't surprising given the era. But eating pickles and fish sandwiches while you watch a movie is down right strange for any decade. Good thing it was an outdoor venue!

K-Fed is coming at you more K-Fab than before!

While Britney continues her downward spiral, Details magazine has named Federline #7 on it's list of the "50 Most Influential Men Under 45". That's right, #7! Can you imagine being #s 8-50?! How pissed would you be to find out that K-Fed is more influential than you! I'm talking to you, Jay-Z, aka #44...

In other news, Lindsay Lohan is up for a Nobel Peace Prize for her work as a role model for teen girls. Good luck, Fire-Crotch!

Fun Links and Lists

For your viewing pleasure...

Thanks to Adult Swim for putting together the top 10 Worst Family Guy Sex Moments. Even being a cartoon, I still get as grossed out seeing Peter's bare ass as I did the time NYPD Blue flashed Sipowicz's ass. (Thankfully, I could not find a clip.)

Ever wonder if you or someone you know is an asshole? Here are nine signs to help you out.

I don't know about you, but I love the horrible videos Internet geeks post on the web. They're even better when they come in the form of off beat, out of tune covers. Thanks to Best Week Ever for putting together the Top Ten Most Impossible Songs to Cover. I seriously want to know the thought process these people go through when they're taping themselves sing, rap, and/or dance and presumably watching their home video before uploading it to the Web. Are they like, "yeah man, I'm totally getting a record deal out of this one. Not like the other 900 videos I posted."

We'll Never Feel the Noize Again

The LA Times reports Kevin DuBrow, lead singer of 80's heavy metal band, Quiet Riot, was found dead in his home. The cause of death is unknown at this time.

Quiet Riot was arguably the band that paved the way for the 80's hair band hysteria. Their hit, "Cum on Feel the Noize," (a personal favorite) was the first heavy metal song to hit up the charts, making it to the top 5 on the 1983 pop chart. Their album, Mental Health made it all the way to the number 1 spot.

I have a vivid memory of being about eight years old singing my heart out to "Cum on Feel the Noize" with my friends. We had no idea what the lyrics meant and listening to it again today, I'm still not really sure. But I'm sure I still like it.

So turn your speakers up and and cum on feel the noize. Grab a co-worker and girls rock your boys... Kevin DuBrow RIP.

This Just In....

Let's be honest, we don't watch the news because we enjoy the fantastic reporting by our local newscasters. We don't even watch because we enjoy the content. The news is boring, the stories are almost always depressing (ever see a happy news report about puppies or rainbows?) and the reports are biased. No, there is no entertainment in the news. We watch because we have to so we can sound like intelligent adults when our annoying co-workers want to strike up a conversation in the break room. And maybe to check out the weather forecast... So, I've searched the Internet for a few entertaining newscasts and found the only entertaining news reports out there include the reporters screwing up in some way. Enjoy and remember these during your next water cooler chat....


Fifth grade humor is even funnier when it comes from sophisticated news anchors...


Your weather forecast includes some hot language about your mother....


This is what happens when you report live from a college campus...


This chick should watch Tyra's show....

Saved By The Bell---where are they now?

Happy 57th birthday, Dennis Haskins! Who is Dennis Haskins, you ask? You may remember him as Mr. Belding on “Saved By The Bell”, the most culturally relevant television show of our time! The above photo came from my fave, Perez Hilton.com, and was taken at Dimples Karaoke Bar in Burbank. Mr B. was getting his groove on by dueting with Brooke Hogan (Hulk’s daughter) to “Mustang Sally” God, this man knows how to live! So, it got me to thinking about the rest of the SBTB cast…where are they now?

Let’s start with Mark-Paul Gosselaar, inarguably the star of the show as Zack Morris. Mark never quite graduated from TV to films. His most recent gig was a 3 episode stint on the short lived HBO series “John from Cincinnati”. In addition to a bunch of made for TV movies, you probably remember Mark best from “NYPD Blue”.

Next is good ol’ Mario Lopez, who played superjock AC Slater. Mario, too, has stuck mainly to TV. His most recent job was on “Dancing With the Stars”, but my BFF tells me that he had a hot nude scene in “Nip/Tuck”…probably not so suitable for work, so beware.

What would SBTB have been without the lovable (?) Screech…Dustin Diamond played this whiny voiced geek to perfection! So much so that he stuck around for “SBTB-The New Class” to play Mr. Belding’s assistant. Hey, if you’ve got it, work it. The real life Dustin Diamond (who crazily enough is the brother of Mike D from the Beastie Boys) showed us exactly how he worked it on his sex tape. According to TMZ.com, “The tape begins with Diamond in a bathtub, narrating what’s to come. It ends with Diamond introducing one of the women to a Dirty Sanchez”. Gross. If you don’t know what a Dirty Sanchez is, you don’t want to know! In addition to the sex tape, Diamond also gained some notoriety over the past few years when he hawked $15 T-shirts to help pay the mortgage on his house, beat Horshack from Welcome Back Kotter on Celebrity Boxing and generally pissed everyone off when he was a cast member on season five of Celebrity Fit Club (was Screech ever fat?!)

On to the girls…Elizabeth Berkley played Jessie Spano on the show, but is best known for sabotaging her post-SBTB career with the bomb “ Showgirls”. Believe it or not, she has actually had some small parts on the big screen since Showgirls, including “The First Wives Club” and “Any Given Sunday”. Elizabeth is still doing cameos on various TV shows and, of course, made- for- TV movies.

Lark Voorhies played Lisa Turtle on the show. I thought that she hadn’t been in anything since, but apparently I was wrong. Lark has also done cameos in several TV shows…how I missed her in “Love Boat-The Next Wave”, I’ll never know. If you just can’t get enough of the SBTB cast, Lark has an independent movie coming out in February titled “The Black Man’s Guide to Understanding Black Women”

Last, but not least, Tiffani Amber Thiessen played good girl and Zack Morris girlfriend, Kelly Kapowski. In fact, the two even tied the knot in “Saved By The Bell-Wedding in Las Vegas” Tiffani gained some new found TV stardom with her turn on 90210. She has done a number of TV series episodes, including “Good Morning Miami”, “Just Shoot Me”, and “Two Guys, A Girl, and a Pizza Place”. Yeah, I never saw them either with the exception of “Just Shoot Me”. By far, Tiffani’s greatest role was as Honey DeLune in The Ladies Man. Granted, it was a small role, but The Ladies Man had such a strong message. It was the voice of our generation. Kind of like a big screen version of SBTB!

So, there you have it. Everyone is alive and doing well (depending on your standards, maybe Screech is not doing so well). I leave you with this parody clip and sincere wishes for a Happy Thanksgiving. When you are remembering your blessings around the dinner table tomorrow, don’t forget to thank these fine actors for the gift that they have bestowed upon us over the years….

Sunny Days Sweeping the Old Sesame Street Away

The New York Times recently published an (uncharacteristically interesting) article describing how Sesame Street has changed over the years. No, not to fix the pot holes in the decades old street and to create environmentally sound round-a-bouts, but to correct the model of "wrong behavior" with which the classic Sesame Street invaded our living rooms. Shame on you 1970's and early 80's era Sesame Street!

It must have been all that cookie eating, which obviously is the reason for today's soaring childhood obesity rates. Oh, uh, wait a minute, statistics on that issue say that today's youth obesity rates have tripled since the 1980's after Cookie Monster was gobbling up all those high-calorie snacks. Surely he had switched to singing "C is for Carrot" before America's kids started getting pudgy. And after watching this clip, I'd say the issue isn't that it taught children to eat too many cookies, but rather that they shouldn't eat too many cookies or else the lack of nutrients will make them turn out like Cookie Monster who is so fucking stupid he doesn't know what a library is....



So, maybe it's because Bert and Ernie have turned us all gay. Because it happens that way, you know. Um, yeah, that's likely. More likely is that if Sesame Street had such an impact on how we would grow up, we'd all be sleeping in the same room as our roommate, taking baths with a rubber ducky, and thinking that when we're watching TV there are actually things inside our television set....



This has to be it. Sesame Street taught us to be assholes who send their meals back multiple times at restaurants....



Thank you Sesame Street for getting rid of those old clips that taught us Gen-Xers the wrong values. If it weren't for our parents actually teaching us the right values and manners, we would have had to rely on those values of Cookie Monster, Big Bird, Bert and Ernie, Grover, et. el, like today's youth. I can only assume that you've changed because of the overbearing, hyper-sensitive mommy groups who would rather place the responsibility of parenting their children on the media, entertainment companies, and the government rather than doing it themselves. Because that mentality has certainly helped today's kids do the right thing. Proof is in the headlines, headlines, headlines.

Pooch Perfume

If you thought people dressing up their dogs in diamond studded collars and dresses and carrying them around in designer bags was ridiculous, get a load of this.... A UK company has introduced a new perfume for dogs. So far the celebs on the customer list include Liz Hurley, Sienna Miller, and Graham Norton. The pooch perfume sells for £38 or just about $78. It's just a matter of time before we see Paris Hilton spraying this stuff on her little rats, er um dogs.

Looking for Love in All the Wrong Places

If you're on this site, you are probably one of the many single 30-somethings who celebrate their "living for me" lifestyle. And why wouldn't you? You're successful and at a point in your career where you're making enough money to do and buy the things you want, when you want. You're the decision maker in your home; there's no "running it by" the Mr. or Mrs. first. You don't have the heavy responsibility of "getting home to the kids" so you can meet friends for happy hour, a spa day or a weekend away at a moments notice. But do you ever get just a little twinge of self pity that maybe, just maybe, you'll never find someone to settle down with when you decide that you're ready to share your life and start a family? Well, stop pitying yourself. It can't be as bad as this guy. Five-thousand marriage proposals later, he's come to the conclusion that he must be the "ugliest man alive." Poor guy. He needs Dr. Phil and Match.com.

So Rad, So Bad: 80s Movies

This 80s movie has it all. A teenage boy facing unspeakable odds; the old cop who's out to get him; Lori Loughlin before her Full House days; and the blonde guy who plays the villain in every 80s movie ever made. How this never became a classic, I'll never know.



Why did so many 80s movies follow this theme: kids who love to dance; they have to dance to overcome some obstacle (usually in the form of a old stuffy white guy who won't let them and who does everything in his power to stop them from dancing); and ultimately the kids overcoming the obstacle with their fabulous dancing and/or winning over the old guy(s) and even getting them to boogie along with them. Anyone? Anyone? You know what I'm talking about-- Footloose, Girls Just Want to Have Fun, Dance Academy, Dirty Dancing, Fame, Flashdance, Breakin, and of course, Breakin 2: Electric Boogaloo...



This one has got to be the worst and strangest ever! Boy looses hair from "hairum scareum"; boy meets ghost who makes him a peanut butter slav that grows his hair back. Ummm... who the hell read this script and said, "yeah, this will make an awesome movie!"? Obviously people did. I wonder when the remake will come out....

Hoffy Friday!

I'll take the beef stew, hold the corn

Taking theme restaurants to a whole new level, check out the Modern Toilet Diner in Taiwan. Yes, it is a toilet themed restaurant. Instead of chairs, you have toilet bowls. You eat from mini plastic toilet bowls. Need a napkin? Grab some t.p. from a toilet paper roll hung above your table. Grossed out yet. No? How about some "ice cream shaped like feces" for dessert? Yeah, I went there. Enjoy your lunch.

So You Think You Can Rap?

YO, YO, YO! These videos are m'duffy fo shizzle! O Snap! All you ransy punks gonna m'bah!

I don't even know what that means. And I'm pretty sure neither do these guys....


Making Physics... um... still not fun....



This may hurt your ears, but it's worth it...


Oh yeah.... even The Hoff raps....


Are they seriously rapping about the bible to "Baby Got Back"??


Peace out.

A Cure for Warm Beer!

We've all been there... The store doesn't have your favorite beer in the cooler so you pick up a warm case on your way to a party and put a few in the freezer to cool them down quickly. But no, you can't wait for that beer to cool down and you can't stomach the swill someone offers you so you choke down a warm one. Or you order a beer that the barback had just stocked into the cooler. The bartender says, "it might be a little warm, let me know if you want another." Then, poof! He's gone to the other end of the bar and you're pushed back five deep while other thirsty patrons rush the bar, leaving you with no choice but to drink it warm. Well, with any luck, this will soon be a thing of the past. Leave it to a 22 year old to invent an instant beer chiller!

I'm totally buying this when it comes on the market!

Making life easier for lazy people everywhere

Too lazy to call for a pizza? No sweat. Don't feel like getting up off the couch to stumble over to a computer and place an online order? No problem. You can now text your order to select Papa John's locations. Sounds like a pretty good deal to me, I've definitely argued with friends over who needs to call in the takeout order! Of course, you need to make sure that whoever texts the order in can spell or you'll end up with a Spam-pineapple pie...yum...Spam...

HO HO HOld On...

From the ridiculous news files, department store Santas in Sydney have been told not to use Santa Claus' traditional "ho ho ho" greeting. The reason? Some overly sensitive women might get offended. Seriously? 1) What women are going to be sitting on Santa's lap? And if they are, they deserve to be called a "ho ho ho." 2) What children will ever make the weak connection between Santa's greeting, "ho ho ho" and a pimp's greeting, "get cho ass ova hea, ho... ho!.. ho!"?

Is this what our world is coming to? A bunch of pussies so afraid of a frivolous lawsuit and bad publicity brought upon them by some overly sensitive idiot looking for an easy way to make a buck that they rethink everything they say and do? Come one people... Where's your holiday spirit?

Handling a Hard On

I love this clip. Even though I'm not quite sure if it is meant to be serious advice or humorous advice. Either way, it's fun to count the various euphemisms for penis and erection they come up with. I counted 17, none of which are boner, hard-on, stiffy, woody, or skin flute.


VideoJug: How To Hide An Unwanted Erection

Don't try this at home

Ever since Kim Cattrall starred as a sexy mannequin that comes to life in the uber-80s masterpiece "Mannequin", horny desperate boys everywhere have daydreamed that they, too, can find lasting love with a plastic goddess. Case in point: The South Dakota State Supreme Court recently overturned the indecent exposure conviction of Michael James Plenty Horse, who was found in a public place lying "with his pants partially down on a mannequin which had its band uniform partially removed." This guy not only tried getting it on with a mannequin, but with a mannequin dressed in a band uniform! Now that's kinky.

How to make your balding head look worse...

Perhaps this is why there are so many balding men still walking around with bad haircuts...


VideoJug: How To Cope With A Receding Hairline

Are these people serious? Telling men with thinning hair to grow what's left of it long and push it forward? What is this look called? The comb-forward?

Safe Sex in the US vs the UK

Here's a comparison of condom ads in the US and the UK. Both ads use humor to sell safe sex. The first clip below is the US ad and is pretty risque by US standards. The second is the UK ad. While it is arguably the funnier ad, it would never make it past the FCC's outrageously excessive sensors we have here in the States... And I can't really say that's a bad thing....


glumbert - Always keep condoms in your car


glumbert - Good Advice

"Getting that Frog Across the Street was my Entire Life"

Remember Seinfeld's classic 1998 episode in which George buys the Frogger arcade game to preserve his high score forever? Well, in case you don't, here's a clip...



Like George, I too was a fan of Frogger as a kid. Unlike George, it wasn't my "entire life." It was just an easy game my video-game-retard ass could actually play. So, you can imagine my surprise and enjoyment when I came across an Internet-version of the game recently. Of course, I played. And with an amazing high score of 770 points, I quickly gave up. Those arrow keys are harder to control than the old joystick. Here's a link, play for yourself...
Frogger

A Bad Day at the Office

Think you're having a bad day at the office? It can't be as shitty as this guy's day...



Everyone has an annoying co-worker. Not everyone handles him/her like this...



And you thought this only happened when people got drunk at office parties...

Cruisen for a Bruisen

MSN reports that Tom Cruise is "not happy" that his new flick, "Lions for Lambs" didn't do well over the weekend. Lambs came in forth on the charts, with "Bee Movie," "American Gangster," and "Fred Claus," taking the top three spots. Haha, Tom Cruise, your movie got beat by "Fred Claus"! And not even by just a little, Claus brought in nearly $12 million more than Lambs! What's worse for Cruise is that his was the first film from his new production company, which makes it all the more sweeter for the growing contingent of anti-Cruise-ites.

Do you think he'll take the hint and stop shoving his fake religion down our throats? Even better, stop making movies too? Probably not.... Let's all make up a God and pray to him or her or it that this is the beginning of the end of Tom Cruise's celebrity status. Hey, if he can do it, so can we!

Hoffy Friday

Butafuc-NOOOOOOOOO!

As much as I really don't want to perpetuate a bad thing, I think this has to be said. According to Perez Hilton, Joey Buttafuco is releasing his own sex tape in retaliation to the Amy Fisher tape that has recently been released by her ex-husband. EWW.

Howard Stern recently played some clips of the Fisher tape and I can say unequivocally, it was the most vile and disturbing bit in the Stern Show history. I love Stern. I listen to the show daily. They air a lot of disgusting yet humorous bits, but to hear Amy Fisher and her older husband have sex was beyond... uh oh... excuse me while I hold back my vomit.... gross. I'll take listening to Blue Iris or Rapping Granny on the sybion over Amy Fisher's dirty "twahk" to her "daddy" any day.

Why must we be subjected to Joey's nakedness when Fisher's ex-husband might as well be his doppelganger? I can't imagine that Joey's tape will be that much different than Fishers... I mean you've got an ugly chick with a strong Long Island accent and a fat, older ugly man sticking his (most likely) untrimmed member into her while she calls him daddy and tells him to cum on her tits. What can Joey do to make his any different? Do it with an ugly older chick? Dress up in knitted S&M gear? Give it up old man, you're fifteen minutes of fame were over fifteen years ago! No one wants to see you naked let alone having sex.

And who's buying these things???

It must be the alter-boyish face

It’s fairly common nowdays for a celebrity to have a stalker. Celebs and stalkers go together like peanut butter and jelly, vodka and orange juice, Britney and Cheetos. The latest celeb/stalker saga is actually kind of newsworthy, though. Apparently, Conan O’Brien has been stalked for the past year by a Boston priest!

Rev. David Ajemian, 46, was arrested last week as he tried to enter a taping of “Late Night”. This guy is one real whack job. He calls himself the “priest stalker” and Conan’s “most dangerous fan”, compares himself to the Virginia Tech shooter, and talks about John McEnroe as his “childhood nemesis.” Check out some of his rants here. He’s currently being held on Riker’s Island and could face up to a year in prison if convicted. Very creepy!!

Dude, we Found the Dell Guy

Have you been wondering what ever happened to the "Dude your getting a Dell" guy? Didn't think so. But apparently someone has been and they found him.... waiting tables just like any other out of work actor. Dude, real name Ben Curtis, also made headlines back in '03 when he was busted for trying to buy pot. What a naughty boy.

I'm guessing his new gig makes it much easier to score some weed off of the radar.

Clooney V Fabio

What do you think the over/under would be on a Clooney versus Fabio match? The NY Post's Page Six reports that George Clooney and Fabio got into a shoving match at a restaurant. The fight, if you can call it that, began when Clooney thought Fabio's gal pals were taking pictures of him. Come on, Clooney use that arrogant head of yours... Women who are into the Fabio type are not into the Clooney type. It's simply a different class of women... and men. Thankfully the waitstaff intervened before Clooney started pulling on Fabio's fabulous(?) hair! Maybe these too could square up at the next celebrity boxing series....

Random News...

Here are some links to some fun, weird, and/or stupid articles, some of which might be considered news:

World's tallest and smallest dogs meet. How'd they sniff each other's butts?

An Ad campaign that would never make it in mainstream advertising the US, except maybe on Skinamax.

Televangelists being investigated for misuse of donations. But God wants them all to have a $23,000 toilet, private jet, Bentley, plastic surgery.... Why else would he given them the bright idea to scam middle and low class families out of their life's savings?

Man Tortured with Fresh Baked Cookies. mmmm... fresh baked cookies...

Paranormal or Paranoid?

Linked below is a news report from Fox affiliate, KDVR out of Denver, Colorado. The couple featured in the clip claim that the devil came through in a photograph to warn Mr. Martinez of the dangers of his drug habit. The photograph is nothing less than creepy, but if the devil is supposed to be all things evil, wouldn't you think he would pop up at the end of this guys crack pipe (or whatever his drug of choice was; they don't get into it) telling him, "yeah, man, take another hit"? And not in a photograph to make him quit his drug habit all together. Right?

So, you be the judge: did the devil show up in the photograph or did this guy's drug habit make him and his wife so paranoid that they think a superimposed mutt is the devil?

"We Need to Talk about your TPS Reports"

For those of you who thought the movie Office Space was over the top, here's proof that it's really not... Okay, so maybe people aren't going around blowing up their office buildings, but who can't relate to having a weird co-worker like Milton, having to go to birthday parties for co-workers you don't know or don't like, having too many bosses, getting their office or cubicle moved for no apparent reason and receiving memos on procedure changes because someone wants to change things for, again, no apparent reason?

Below is an actual memo sent out today to all staff at an agency that will remain nameless. The memo is about a new format for cover sheets!! As soon as I read it, I thought, "Ummmm... Yeaaahhh, I'm gonna have to go a head and post this on the blog. Mmm-kay?"


"Effective Immediately:
When preparing a cover sheet for all documents please enter a Document Name in the following format:

The date--in this format:
YYYY/MM/DD followed by the document name:
ex: YYYY/MM/DD memo PSG to MPB
YYYY/MM/DD Draft
YYYY/MM/DD Final
YYYY/MM/DD Exit Conf. (the use of obvious abbreviations is encouraged)

other acceptable abbreviations include, but are not limited to:
Ent. Ltr. (Ltr. = Letter)
Engag. Ltr.
Ltr. to Prov. = Provider
Doc. from MD = Physician
Ltr. from Atty = Attorney

By preceding the name of the document with the date in the correct format at the time we e-file the document we will be able to View the document list and sort the Document Name column to show the documents in chronological order. It is not necessary to re-e-file previously scanned documents. However, if you are adding a number of documents to a filewhere only 1 or 2 were previously e-filed in the old format you may wish totake a few minutes to create new cover sheets to rename the documents to comply with this format, rescan them and don't forget to request the old document(s) be deleted (in Issue Manager). Please take note of the sort capability when you view your next e-filed documents (click on the DocumentName column heading to re-sort) and let me know if you encounter any problems or questions. Thank you for your cooperation."

Tyra is all Vagina

Tyra Banks breaks new ground with a daytime first. At least that's what the show's publicity people are telling us. Monday they aired a show entitled "what's up down there." You guessed it folks, the entire hour dedicated to the whisker biscuit, the muff, the vagina. Somehow Tyra managed to find an audience full of women who've never seen their own vajayjay and even a nurse who had never gone to the gyno. Where do these people come from? If it were an audience of 16 year olds, I'd believe it, but grown women who don't know what a vagina looks like or how it works??? As much as I don't want to, I have to give credit to Tyra's staff because it couldn't have been easy to find these women. And to help ease the women into looking at themselves, guest Dr. Debbie brought out a pussy puppet, elegantly made in velvet and satin. So life like! Take a look for yourself....

Dr. Tyra's Prescription for Cramps

Watch Tyra Banks explain her "no fail way" to get rid of menstrual cramps. Thank God for Tyra, serving up her suggestions with an ample side of ass. Oops, I meant sass. The girl has some sass! Check it out...

NOTE: The link is a little slow, give it a minute!

WGA Strike-- WTF?

(Reuters photo)
With today's news of the Writers Guild of America going on strike, I'm sure I'm not the only one who's first thought was, "how's this going to effect my favorite shows and ultimately, me?" Well, for the most part, we can all look forward to weeks of re-runs. According to CNN's report, live talk shows will be hit first, followed by daytime TV shows, and then, depending on how long the strike lasts, prime time TV.






However, there is one exception to this. Jon Stewart announced today that The Daily Show and The Colbert Report are planning to continue with new shows that are heavily interview-based, so they won't need to rely on the writers. And, perhaps the most shocking, he will pay the writers of both shows, which he produces, their salaries out of his own pocket while they're on strike! Don't you wish we all had a boss like him!? More on this story here.

It's Hard Being Britney, y'all!

Thanks to TV for this video! It's a pretty good spoof of the current "Young Hollywood" lifestyle. Enjoy!

Indecision 2008

On the fence as to who you might vote for in the 2008 Presidential Election? With the cluster fuck of candidates and Colbert now out of the picture, it's not surprising that many people are not sure who they should back. But WQUAD, news channel 8, out of Moline, Illinois, comes to the rescue with a quick quiz that will tell you which candidate you relate most to. The quiz, while not scientific, has 11 questions based on each candidate's stance on issues including illegal immigration, social security, and the war in Iraq. Take the quiz... your results may surprise you....

Who looks like the bigger slut?

Thanks to People magazine (and Tim) for posing this all important question: Britney vs. Paris: Slutty Costume Smackdown . Both Paris and Britney look pretty slutty, but neither can come close to the always trashtastic Coco (aka Mrs. Ice T):



Wow.

From Future Hoff to a blast from the past! Check out this promo for this "awesome" 70s superhero show:




Recognize the heroine? It's none other than our favorite "Doc" from Days of Our Lives! If only "Electra Woman and Dyna Girl" would do a reunion show and cast John Black as the villian. It's got Emmy written all over it...

Hoffy Friday!

Future Hoff....

Dumb People Need Love Too

Dating in your thirties is completely different from dating in your teens and twenties. Maybe it's because many thirty-somethings are married or in committed relationships. Maybe it's because we're too into our careers to notice the good ones who are still out there. Or maybe it's because those left on the market are like these guys....

Bachelor Number One:

Randy: A young 20 or 30 something Texan who has lost the love of his life. She apparently took with her his truck and house, although I think they may be one in the same. Likes: Janice. Dislikes: anyone who's not Janice.



Bachelor Number Two:
Bobby: A thirty-something who's trying to "get back on dating girls." Likes: Boobies Dislikes: talking himself up.


Bachelor Number Three:
Steven: A 26 year old who just wants to be married like everyone else. Likes: Acid wash and frosted denim shirts. Dislikes: rummaging through garbage.

Guess What This Is...

No, it's not a wrinkly old penis with teeth. It's a Naked Mole Rat. EWWWWW.

Friday Fun

Welcome to Friday. We're getting started a little late today, as I decided to sleep my wine buzz off this morning. So, since I still can't think straight, I'm going to post some mindless fun and when my headache subsides, I will post something original. Until then, I hope these make you laugh as much as they made me laugh....

Bob Saget: You remember him as the geeky Danny Tanner on that God awful Full House show back when the Olsen twins looked like little monchichies and the guy with the terribly cheesy jokes on America's Funniest Home Videos, but what some still don't know is that he is actually really funny! Check this compilation of Saget cameos with some great commentary.

A cop finds a suspect is packing some junk....

Bad American Music Made Even Worse

You gotta love the Internet and sites like YouTube. Without them, we'd never know just how infatuated foreign bands are with bad American music. But why? Here are some great (and by great, I mean so bad they're funny) covers....

Here, we see a Finnish band covering YMCA....
I seriously hope this was recorded sometime between 1978-1986 and they're not running around over there in short shorts, knee socks and mustasches.


A Filipino band plays Styx's Mr. Roboto.
I actually had the original on a 45. Remember those? Records? Stop laughing, I was like eight and had no idea what good music was. I just liked the robotic sound...



A Danish band plays ABBA's Mama Mia on beer bottles.... Yeah, I know ABBA was a Swedish band, but for some reason we Americans loved them and this video is just too good not to post.
Note to self: drink 24 beers this weekend and start practicing.

The new "It" couple-although I'm not sure what "it" is...

As promised, here is a completely superficial post. Although it might make your skin crawl just a little. The newest celeb couple is none other than Lance Armstrong and Ashley Olsen! According to Page 6, the two were spotted on Monday at the Gramercy Park Hotel with a group of friends. Spies say that "Ashley drank red wine, sat on his lap, and they were making out all night." I know the Olsen twins are 21 years old now, but there's just something really creepy about Lance Armstrong dating one of them. Not as creepy as dating Uncle Jesse, but still creepy!